I Hate Remakes! I Despise Remakes! To me, they mostly are unoriginal and uninspired, and the more people flock to them, the more Hollywood will churn out the more of the same thing over and over again and shove it right down our throats. Be it Remakes, Reboots, Sequels or Prequels. Fuck all of them! I want something original… For the most part, I am opposed to remakes mainly because it seems like that there are more and more and even more of them being made nowadays, and they keep fucking with too many Cult Favorites and Classics. Still over the years there have been the occasional remake that slips through the cracks and are actually quite good. So as it really pains me to do this, I submit to you this list.
Here is my Top 13 Favorite Film Remakes in Alphabetical Order:
1. Dawn of the Dead
Well here is a case where they fucked with a Cult Horror Classic that I ended up enjoying it. Go figure. Not to say that it ever could surpass George Romero’s original Zombie Horror satire, but Zack Snyder brought a very different kinetic feel to this intense Zombie Flick. The first ten minutes alone is worth a look, along with an early Ty Burrel role (before playing Phil on Modern Family) playing a wonderfully perfect asshole. What can I say… I Liked It!
2. The Departed
American remakes of Foreign Films irk me to no end, especially nowadays since they remake them almost immediately, and since I really enjoyed the Hong Kong Crime Flick, Infernal Affairs, I would normally not want to see an American remake. But the truth is that I am also a huge Scorsese fan, so I gave the Departed a shot, and I can say that I was not dissapointed. It may not be one of my favorite of his, but I have to admit that it is a damn good and enjoyable crime drama.
3. The Fly
David Croenberg took an outdated camp Horror Classic starring Vincent Price, The Fly, and created a modern psychological Horror Classic. Jeff Goldblum deserved a Best Actor nomination for his brilliantly sad portrayal of a scientist who accidently turns himself into a human/fly hybrid while experimenting on telepotation. It is undenibly Jeff Goldblum’s best work of his career so far and a worthy remake.
Ok, full disclosure here, I have never seen Michael Mann TV movie “LA Takedown”, the TV Movie that he remade into one of his finest films, “Heat”. That being said, Heat is a fucking awesome flick and one that has influenced current cinema and filmmakers, such as Nicolas Winding Refn’s ‘Drive”. It also has De Niro and Pacino in the same fim for the first time, but even though they share a scene together at a table in a Diner, are never seen in a two shot. Fucking Brilliant!
5. Heaven Can Wait
Saw this when I was young and it had a great impact on me. I love this Flick! Watched the original, “Here Comes Mr. Jordan”, after the fact and was glad to see where the inspiration came from, but still love the Remake more. It is a great update of an excellent classic film.
6. Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Taken from the Cold War 50’s Sci-Fi/Horror Classic of the same name, and somehow modernized it into a creepier and gooier update, that virtually stands on it’s own. Of course, once again, I saw this flick in my formative years, and while my Dad espoused the brilliance of the original, I still opted for the one that I remember influencing me first. They are both classics, and while the Phillip Kaufaman remake does not surpass the original, it does a great job in modernizing it, and will either creep the shit, or scare the hell out of you. And this is a good thing.
7. The Magnificent Seven
Nothing can beat Akira Kurosawa’s original Seven Samurai, but god damn if the Magnificent Seven, Hollywood’s Western version of the same story, sure does come in a close second. This is not open to Debate.
8. The Maltese Falcon
Ok Ok so i have never seen the original, yes the original, 1931 version of this film, but come on… The 1941 remake with the Iconic role of Humphry Boart as Sam Spade, surely is the better of the two. I would love to see the original, but have yet to find it available. Maybe I am not seaching hard enough.
9. The Man Who Knew To Much
Not uasually a big fan of Directors remaking their own films. George Sluzier’s original Netherland Thriller, “The Vanishing”, was brilliant and intense. His American remake of the same film 5 years later sucked, and got all Hollywood Ending on us! Alfred Hitcock remade a few of his early British Films, and the remake of “The Man Who Knew Too Much”, starring Jimmy Stewart, in my opinion, was his best.
10. Nosferatu the Vampyre
F.W. Murnau‘s original silent German Expressionist Flick is Brilliant, but I still love Werner Herzog’s take on the subject too. I mean Klaus Kinski is perfect in this role and somehow manages to look eerily and capture the essence of Max Schreck. Plus, you really can not go wrong with any Herzog/Kinski collaboration, and this remake is quite good.
I love this flick! Remake and all… “Wages of Fear”, is a much better film, but I still do hold a soft spot in my heart for one of my Favorite Directors, William Friedkin’s, lesser known flicks. Roy Scheider, Roy Sheider, Roy Sheider! Check em both out if ya can.
12. John Carprnter’s The Thing
I love the Thing From Another Planet, but I can unequivocally say that John Carpenter’s version is much better and much more complete. This is one of the greatest Horror Films of All Time. It is a claustrophobic tension-filled flick that actually surpasses the original.
13. 13 Assassins
I have not seen the original Japanese Samurai Film, Jûsan-nin no shikaku”. that Takeshi Miike based this remake on, but man-o-man is this one hell of a fun flick. If you like Samurai swords and blood and fights and blood and comedy and blood and action and blood… Then you will enjoy this flick!
These Remakes Are Exceptions To The Rule. Watch These Flicks, But Boycott All Present and Future Remakes! Let Hollywood Know that you Prefer Original and Less Derivative Films…
Dick Hollywood Has Spoken!