Train: A DVD Review

What the hell is wrong with me? I mean seriously, what the hell am I thinking! Time and time again, I do this and it is beginning to get out of hand. Take for instance, I have coined the phrase, “Friends Do Not Let Friends See (Fill In The Offending Director’s Name) Flicks. Like recently earlier this year I was ranting to anyone that would listen when the Flick 2012 came to your local theater, “Friends Do Not Let Friends See Roland Emmerich Flicks.” And then what happens? well, I’ll tell you what happens. This 2012 piece of crap shows up on NetFlix Streaming and some how I find myself clicking a button and it begins to play. But the worst of it is that I actually watch it from start to finish and then feel so dirty afterwords.

This seems to be happening to me a lot lately. It’s like with this one click Netflix Streaming, all of my common sense is just thrown out the window and I find myself watching Flicks that I SHOULD never be watching. Just like with this Hostel rip-off “Train”, starring Thora Birch from Ghost World and American Beauty fame. This Flick was getting bad, bad reviews, and still somehow I decided to give it a shot. After all, I only have to push one button to stream it instantly to my laptop. What could be the harm? Well 94 minutes of my life that I will never be able to get back for one. Wow that sure was an easy cliche 😉 No, but really, “I WANT MY 94 FUCKING MINUTES BACK PLEASE!”

OK… American College wrestling team in Russia misses their train to thier next destination because they went to a party the night before. Four members, 2 girls and 2 guys plus the assistant Coach and the super mad Coach board another train that is supposedly going in their direction. BEEEEEEEP! Wrong Choice. Bad Train! Fucked Up Train! Torture Train!

No Suspense. No real scary moments. Very predictable. I would go on, but I do not want to waste your time anymore. Be warned. I am not joking. This is not a good flick! Stay Clear. I beg you…

– So Says Dick Hollywood!

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