BOYCOTT HORROR MOVIE REMAKES!

Dick Hollywood | November 18th, 2010 - 9:57 am

BOYCOTT HORROR MOVIE REMAKES

This is number one from the Organization: The Horror Drunx Manifesto, and Dick Hollywood has made a solemn vow to live by this rule from this day forward. I agree with the Manifesto and have made an attempt to not patronize Horror Movie Remakes, but I have faltered a few times. This will not be the case with any and all future Horror Movie Remakes!

To understand what I am talking about, I offer you Number 1 from the Horror Drunx Manifesto:

1. THE HORROR DRUNX ARE AGAINST REMAKES.

As anyone who has ever pitched a movie idea to a studio can tell you, it is the unwritten rule that every meek motion-picture executives job is to say “NO” to any new idea that is brought to them. “NO” means job security to them, because if they say “YES” and the film loses money for the studio they might lose their job. They know however that they DO also need to say “YES” once in a while to keep their jobs. The safest way for them to say “YES” is to green-light a movie that has a name recognition factor to the public. That is the ONLY reason why you see so many remakes of older movies and television shows being made. It is not in any way a creative or artistic decision, it is a decision ultimately made by a) a bean counter that works in the accounting department, or b) someone whose creative well of original new ideas has dried up and they can’t get any other idea produced. The bottom line is, they can now make a film that has a familiar (presold) title in the public consciousness and they don’t have to spend as much on advertising either. From the beginning, very few producers of remakes even consider it will even do well at the box-office after the opening weekend, so why put any more creative thought into it than is needed to make a quick buck.

As far as The Horror Drunx are concerned, remakes are therefore the domain of the “pukers” (those who chew up the original, then upchuck it) and the “puke eaters” (those who are stupid and tasteless enough consume what the pukers produce). That is why we have a hard time discerning which is worse, the makers of a remake, or those who would see a remake.

Truthfully, when is the last time that you saw a good remake? There is honestly only perhaps one marginally passable remake made every decade. Remakes of films just don’t as a rule do a service to the original.

We have been given the argument by the ignorant and uninformed that: “Remakes are good because they bring attention to the original to people who may not know about it”. This is bullshit. If a remake is a bad film made by someone just out to make a fast buck, it is not going to lure anyone who didn’t already know about the original film to seek it out and see it. More commonly than not they are made by people who are NOT fans of the original. Remakes are done with no respect to the original, other than a jumping off place for the seed of an idea…. That is why you seldom see many of the ingredients that made the original a success, included in a remake.

Where the original often had a lower budget so had to find creative and inexpensive ways to make itself work, the makers of a remake often substitute throwing more money and CGI effects at it. The very idea of a remake denotes that the original and all those who made it were somehow not good enough, so it needed to be remade, therefore no respect to the original is shown. They are also usually made by people that have no creative ties to the original film, except for maybe occasionally including someone in a cameo that was in the original.

We honestly would have less trouble with remakes if they were titled something completely different, took us a direction original enough as to appear new and not draw comparisons, and didn’t rely on the familiar name value of the original. EXAMPLES: The Fly, The Thing, Dawn Of The Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, etc. People like Rob Zombie (with his HALLOWEEN) have tried to fool the public and lie to them by saying it is a “re-visioning” of the original story, but a remake is still a remake no matter what you call it.

The bottom line on remakes as far as The Horror Drunx are concerned is, that story has already been told. Use the time, money and film stock to make a movie with a creative original concept and ideas, not one that degrades our memory of the original.

The final argument people have given us is: “You are never going to stop remakes, so you are doomed from the start”. Wrong. While there have been secluded pockets of people who have disapproved of remakes in the past, The Horror Drunx is the first organization that has made it their policy. We have 60,000 members and are still growing at a fast rate. If those people, who are the target audience for horror films, BOYCOTT a movie and are vocal enough to educate the general public about their reasons for it, that takes money away from feeding the remake monster. Once we are large enough a segment of the target audience population, that will mean a major loss to the income of remakes at the box-office. As soon as it is no longer financially rewarding to release a remake, they will all but stop. So don’t be a weak little puke eater that consumes anything given you… Continue to pay to see remakes, and they will continue to be made. If enough people stop going to see remakes and there will be no reason for anyone to make one.

We are the first anti-remake organization. When we first started, all we got were arguments about it, but we didn’t give up. Someone had to be first and lead the way taking a stand. Now, years later, have already seen the Horror community begin to change through our education. More and more non-Horror Drunx are picking up the NO REMAKES stance too. We won’t stop until there are no more remakes. If that is a lifetime job, so be it, it is what we believe in and what we stand by.

This also why we are against Horror publications and websites that promote remakes. It is just a sellout on their part to fill their pages and make a deadline, as well as make advertising money from the producers of remakes.

Other people may now be picking up our anti-remake torch, but remember that it was US that first fought in the trenches and made it fashionable for them to. We are proud to have had a big part in changing the world in this respect. Now is the time for everyone else to try and catch up with us.

You can check out the full Horror Drunx Manifesto Here!

And remember kiddies: Friends Don’t Let Friends See Horror Movie Remakes! So Says Dick Hollywood

Wolf Creek

Dick Hollywood | August 11th, 2010 - 7:50 pm

Roger Ebert in his review of Wolf Creek said, ” The theaters are crowded right now with wonderful, thrilling, funny, warm-hearted, dramatic, artistic, inspiring, entertaining movies. If anyone you know says this is the one they want to see, my advice is: Don’t know that person no more.”

I really do not care what Roger’s opinion of the film is, but I do take offence to him chastising people for wanting to see this movie and basically telling people to stay away from them. I mean come on… Really Roger? Repeat after your Uncle Dick Hollywood, “I will not defend my genre preference, I will not defend my genre preference, I will not defend my genre preference …” Some friends of mine have questioned my opinion and my affection for the Horror genre as of late, and I have decided not to defend myself anymore. Here are a few examples of what has transpired.

A few friends were over for drinks, snacks and games recently and one of them noticed “the Devil’s Rejects” DVD sitting on my CD/DVD rack and asked me why on earth would I have such an awful, sick movie, in my collection of films. I mentioned to her that I thought the film was really good, sick yes, but a really well made sick, twisted, and all around good flick. She looked at me kind of funny and asked me why on earth would I like “these kinds” of films. And of course she had never seen the flick. Well I tried to defend my opinion, but it fell on deaf ears.

Next my friend Ellora and I got into an argument on the merits of Horror and violent films in general. She said that she has never understood why I, such a warm and caring person (her words not mine), would like such horrific and violent films. I again tried to explain my position, but alas again to no avail, as my words fell on more deaf ears. And finally getting to the point, yes I do get to the point sometimes, my good friend and colleague as we all know as FilmJerk questioned me after the screening of “Wolf Creek” that we had just gotten out of and let me know that he has never understood why I like “these kind” of movies. He feels that they are exploitative and too voyeuristic. So I let FilmJerk know that I would not defend my genre preference anymore and that I am sick to death of people judging the Horror Genre and my tastes as well. It’s just a matter of taste and I really don’t care if you like them or not. Just let me enjoy my Horror Damn It!

And now Wolf Creek comes along and in my humble opinion is hands down the best darn Horror film I have seen so far this year, and one of the best Horror films to come along in many a full moon. No other film in recent memory has made me feel so uncomfortable or disturbed me more. (“The Devil’s Rejects” had some pretty disturbing imagery as well.) I walked away from this film with a sick feeling in my stomach and a mild anxiety attack to boot. Oh, and did I mention that I liked the film? As Gaspar Noe (Director of “I Stand Alone” and “Irreversible”) once said in an interview, “My films are like acid trips… Some viewers have a good trip and some have bad ones.” Not all films are meant to make us feel good and I did not feel very good after seeing this film, but I sure in the hell did feel something.

The story of three young travelers who have met and partied together on a beach in Australia, two girls from England whose holiday is almost over and a guy from Sydney. They decide to buy a car and go on a road trip into the Outback to camp at a crashed meteor sight known as Wolf Creek. The tension builds at an unrelenting slow pace, like a slow burning fuse on a stick of dynamite, as we get to know the three likable travellers. Well, when they finally arrive at the site it begins to rain, and the so-called special crater doesn’t seem so special anymore. A warm bed and some city lights now seem to be a better option. When their car doesn’t start in the middle of nowhere, they can only hope for someone to come along and help. Well, they get what they wish for, and help comes in the form of a Crocodile Dundee outback stereotype named Mick, who offers to tow them back to his place (the opposite direction in which they’re heading) where he can fix their car, or they can take their chances and hope that someone else will come along eventually and help them get on their merry way. They choose option number one. Wrong choice! What ensues next is not for the squeamish, faint of heart, anti-horror proponents, my mom (May she rest in peace), Roger Ebert, and my good friend FilmJerk. I was cringing during the last act of the film. The unrelenting eye of the camera would not let me look away during some of the most difficult scenes to I have yet witnessed. Not so much the gore, but the feeling of helplessness the director Greg McLean has created. This flick left me wiped out and speechless. It is one wild ride!

So, if you like your horror mean, nasty, gritty, sick and extremely disturbing, then go see this film right now. If not, then please don’t ask me when you see me on the street, why do you like these kinds of films? Because I will not defend my genre preference, I repeat, I will not defend my genre preference anymore.

So Says Dick Hollywood!

Trigger Man

Dick Hollywood | August 1st, 2010 - 12:09 pm

Ti West’s sophomore effort “Trigger Man” packs a punch, and a bullet or two as well…

I just returned from a screening of Ti West’s (Director of the Roost and the upcoming Cabin Fever 2) latest psychological horror fright-fest, Trigger Man. An exercise in low budget filmmaking at its finest. With a gritty feel here and a grimy taste there, Ti West has concocted an ultra realistic mind fuck that will bounce around in your brain during and after the film is over. Slow on the uptake but packing a punch so hard I almost fell out of my seat with the firing of each shot.

The plot is simple. Three friends from New York City go hunting for deer in some undisclosed forested area. One is experienced, the other two just want to drink beer and shoot something. If not a deer, then a squirrel or a tree stump or an empty bottle, or whatever, they just want to shoot something. The majority of the camera work is all hand held with long takes creating a slow eeriness with little action to be found for the first half of the film. Reminiscent of the films Open Water and Wolf Creek, capturing the mundane of real life, as these three friends wander around the forest only to realize that hunting is actually a quite boring and tedious leisure activity. When an unknown assailant shoots and kills one of the friends randomly, the two remaining must try to register what just happened, along with figuring out what the hell they’re going to do to get away and survive. This is where the film ramps up, turns a corner and puts the viewer on edge. Who’s next? What the hell is going on? What would I do in this situation and how are these guys going to get out of this FUBAR?

Though this type film is not for everyone, the slow build will turn off many viewers, but it should appeal to people who like their films with a dark sense of realism. A Cinema Verite/Dogma feel runs through its hand held HD Video veins, as Ti crafts a film filled with terror and suspense in which we are forced to take an active participation in and react to as well, due to the documentary feel the video images give us. I am looking forward to what Mr. West next has in store for us (Cabin Fever 2 as stated above), in which he is currently working on.

Keep up the good work Ti. Dick Hollywood has his eye on you!

(This is an older Review originally posted on FilmJerk.com)

Saw 3D in Mind Blowing 3D… So What!

Dick Hollywood | July 30th, 2010 - 8:55 pm

Not really a big fan of the Saw franchise. I liked the first one well enough, but the others, or I should say Saw 2 and Saw 3, were pretty lame. More of the same puzzles and more of the so-called “inventive” kills. So what! Well here comes number 7 and it is in guess what? Yes 3D, cause there ain’t enough stupid gimmicky 3D Flicks already. 3D can kiss my ass! Hate it… Hate it… Hate it… But that is another rant for another day. Just thought I would throw this new Saw 3D poster up for you all to see. Have to admit that it is pretty cool, especially since you don’t have to wear any stupid glasses to appreciate it.

Dick Hollywood says Check Out the Poster!